


Under My Skin

by zoeteniets



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Gordon, Mentions of past child abuse, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 14:14:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11232714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeteniets/pseuds/zoeteniets
Summary: Robert loves to sing Frank Sinatra songs. Gordon loved them too.This fic is happier than it sounds, I promise.





	Under My Skin

It’s Sunday morning, so of course, they have a lie in. Liv is having a sleepover at Gabby’s so they don’t have to worry about being too loud, which is just as well because Rob wakes up in one of those moods where he wants Aaron to be as vocal as possible. Aaron happily obliges his husband, moaning out his pleasure to the bright morning as Robert smirks and grins above him.

Robert’s funny mood continues even after they finish fucking each other’s brains out. He wraps Aaron up in a duvet cocoon to enjoy the after-glow while he runs downstairs to get started on breakfast. Aaron lies there in luxury for a while, content to bask in the feeling of being so well taken care of by his husband. But, eventually, he begins to feel a little lonely, begins to want to see Rob’s smile again and wind his arms around his waist. So, he throws on a dressing gown and makes his way downstairs.

The smell of frying bacon greets him on the landing. Aaron feels a small thrill of pleasure as he realises that he somehow already knows that Rob will be making Eggs Benedict rather than a fry up. His silly husband is probably even making the hollandaise from scratch, muttering to himself about how he was right that their family does need the monstrously sized kitchen. Handle-less draws and everything.

God only knows what caused this cheerful mood. Robert has even taken to singing as he cooks, the sound of his deep melodic tones drifting up the staircase.

_I've tried so not to give in_  
I _'ve said to myself this affair never gonna swing so well_  
_So why should I try to resist, when baby will I know damn well  
_ _That I've got you under my skin_

And suddenly, Aaron isn’t standing on the landing of the home they built together.

Suddenly, he is eight years old, sitting in his father’s car, listening to Gordon’s favourite CD.

Gordon had loved the old school American crooners and Aaron, in his early attempts to be just like his father, had loved them too. Frank Sinatra’s music had been a particular favourite of both father and son, Gordon apparently loving the class and elegance the music exuded and Aaron loving the soothing yet upbeat tones.

He couldn’t bear to hear any of that music now, not after Aaron had sat silently in the car the morning after it had first happened, as his father told him to be a good boy and Sinatra crooned in the background.

Aaron feels the same shame and fear that he felt that morning stirring deep in his bones. The lyrics and melody transporting him back to the exact moment that changed him forever. His knuckles whiten as he grips the stair bannister and he knows, he just knows, that another panic attack is coming.

But, he keeps listening. And, yes, he is remembering the car and the CD and his father. But he is also remembering Robert singing in _their_ car, or in the shower, or while doing the washing up in the back room of The Woolpack.

If he makes it down the stairs now, he knows what he will see. Robert Sugden in an apron and his slippers, a mixing bowl under his arm as he whisks together their breakfast. The memory of sitting in the car is just a memory, but his husband is very much real and very much there with him.

All Aaron wants to do is hug his husband, to hold him in his arms and breath in the scent of him. He knows he’ll instantly feel better if he does. But first, he has to fight past the fear that has paralysed him at the top of the staircase.

Rob is still cheerfully singing away, adding little warbles onto notes and mumbling the lyrics he doesn’t quite remember. Aaron lets his husband’s voice wash over him and times his breathing to the rhythm of the song.  

  _… Just the thought of you  
_ _Makes me stop before I begin  
_ _'Cause I've got you under my skin_

And just like that, he realises that he’s not afraid anymore.

He has made his way down the staircase before he’s really thought about what he’s doing.

“Hey!” Robert exclaims upon seeing him, “I thought I told you to stay in bed.”

“I missed you,” Aaron replies honestly.

“You look a bit pale. Are you ok?” Rob puts the bowl down and walks over to him, automatically rubbing his hands up and down Aaron’s arms in a gesture they both know soothes Aaron more than anything else.

Aaron is tempted just to brush this off- to claim he needs a glass of water or something. But that wouldn’t be honest, and honesty is something that they are working on together.

“My dad used to like Frank Sinatra,” Aaron says quietly.

The smile immediately falls from Robert’s face.

“I didn’t know. Christ, Aaron, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s ok,” Aaron explains. “I like hearing you sing… I thought hearing those songs again would make me feel… Well, would remind me of him. But, they don’t, not really.”

“Are you sure you’re ok,” Rob says, looking deep into his eyes.

“Absolutely. I had a bit of a wobble when I recognised the song. But then I listened some more and remembered how much I love hearing you sing, and I didn’t feel afraid anymore.”

Rob plants a gentle kiss on Aaron’s cheek.

“I’ll sing something else next time,” he promises.

“You can sing whatever you like,” Aaron counters.

Rob envelops him in a hug and Aaron clings on to him as he had wanted to do when he stood at the top of the staircase.

“I don’t want to let him stop me enjoying things,” Aaron confesses into Robert’s shoulder. “I don’t want the memory of him to make me hate things I once loved.”

“You loved Frank Sinatra?”

“You sound so surprised,” Aaron replies.

“It’s not your usual taste, I suppose.”

“You know me, Rob,” Aaron explains. “You know I sometimes like a bit of class and glamour, especially when you are involved.”

“I do,” Robert says, breaking the hug so that he can kiss Aaron deeply. “I know you.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's father's day in the UK today and it's always a bit of a difficult time for me. I wanted to write something and I have been sitting on this idea for a while. I feel a bit better now. 
> 
> Come scream at me on tumblr: I'm iwillsendapostcard.


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